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Checking my heart...

Throughout the winter of 2019, I continued meeting with different people to share the idea of the school. There was so much excitement and encouragement along the way! It was pretty surreal to be meeting with people and talking about the idea- speaking about it out loud… after having prayed about it for so long- going and sharing the idea with them seemed so crazy, but not so crazy all at the same time.

As we went into November, I was continuing to search and pray for a location. I wasn’t quite sure how I would have students enroll in a school when I didn’t have a building for them. I had the “why” now, what about the “where.”

Not every meeting I had ended in.. YES! Let’s do this... The support and encouragement was there, but the vision of the school isn’t something that God laid on everyone’ heart. That was something I was going to have to learn- and not to get my feelings hurt from. It was hard at times- to keep my flesh, my heart from feeling bummed and discouraged. But, it reminded me of something someone told me from the very beginning, I can’t remember the exact words, but here is my takeaway...

Don’t get upset when people don’t jump on board with you- not everyone is going to be called to come along side of you and start this school. Some of the people you expect to be there the most, won’t be, and that will be okay.

Thinking back to that moment when I heard those words, my excitement was so high, I thought to myself- who wouldn’t want to do this! Right? This is so amazing and I wanted to share it with everyone- let's all do this! But, through prayer and asking God to forgive me when my heart felt hurt… I realized this was not God’s calling on every person or church I brought the idea to. God has us all on different paths, different callings- different assignments. That’s the beautiful, crazy amazing way He works. That is how He reaches and pursues His people. I knew I needed to prepare and pray for God to give me strength, to continue down this path- even if it was going to just be me and Him. Who am I really doing this for anyways? It really convicted me- to think about my reactions- was I seeking approval from man? Or was knowing this is what God called me to enough?

Lord teach me to rest in you- Lord teach me to stop striving, reaching, searching for things other than you. This is a little bit of a learning journey isn’t it God? Do I trust you? Do I trust you with my career? My Future? Do I trust you with my family? Do I trust you with our finances? Lord, I heard a clip of a sermon- it was about living like this isn’t my home- Earth. Living like I belong somewhere else. I belong to you. I’m just passing through here.

Do my actions show that?

The way I speak? The way I love? Is it evident that I belong to you? Lord may this all come from a place of not doing it to EARN your love, but because of your love. So many times I have felt the pressure to do or to preform, or do well for others to love me. I know this isn’t the way for you- your love for me isn’t in regard to any of this. You know me, yet you love me- completely. Fully. May my obedience to your calling be in response to the overwhelming love you have for me.”

After I finished writing, God had one more thing ready for me to really drive home what He was showing me that morning. It was my daily “First 15” app… that day’s devotional was focused on discovering how trustworthy our heavenly Father truly is. I was pretty blown away that God so directly spoke to the worries swirling around in my head, but even more than that- it spoke to the intimate, deep places of doubt in my heart. I took some of the parts that stuck out to me the most and felt like it was more of a question he was asking me… checking the state of my heart...

Sara, are you willingly to hand over control of your life to a capable, loving near God? God longs to share His plans with you- so that He will satisfy the deepest desires of our heart- for joy, passion, and purpose. He is a Good Father who longs to shepherd you into the greater things of this life.

Sara, will you fully surrender and place trust in your God?

God is more concerned about the state of your heart, than the work of your hands.

Romans 14:17


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