This morning I felt led to go back into my journals to reflect on where I was this time last year. Many people ask about how the school started and I am so grateful that the pages in these journals really capture the journey of creating CHCA.
These pages are filled with my most intimate prayers, the doubts and fears, as well as the praises and the joyful times. There wasn’t a handbook on how to make it happen, but the story of how this school came to be is a story of God’s love and faithfulness. I pray that by sharing it, you will see just how faithful and alive He is.
"He who calls you is faithful, He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
As I look towards the future of CHCA, our next steps in response to the growth, and maintaining our focus on the mission and vision God has given us for CHCA... reflecting on the way God was at work this time, last year was exactly what I needed to hear again to encourage myself to take that next big leap of faith.
I wanted to share with you too, a glimpse into the story of God's faithfulness in bringing CHCA to fruition, just one year ago...
“There is a whole lot that I don’t know.
I could fear it if I thought about it in the natural.
But
My God is good.
My God does good.
I know that my God has never left me, nor forsaken me.
He’s never going to send me anywhere that He is not with me.
He’s never going to ask me to do something that he is not going to provide for.
What I do know about God is going to become bigger than what I don’t know about the future.
Make your decision based on the goodness of God.”
- Christine Caine
1-12-20
Dear Lord God,
You’ve given me the vision of something so beautiful. I don’t want to ever look back and wish I had taken that leap. God, I love you so much- right now I can feel you workmen in me, something new. Something you want me to do, everything kind of feels so up in the air. I believe you want me to rest in you- what’s today calling? I’m going to miss it all if I don’t pour in and focus on today. Lord God, help me to be still, pray more and listen to you when you give me the next nudge. Show me the right path O’Lord. Give me wisdom, courage and boldness to step out where you are calling me. I keep thinking about a video- sharing the vision of this school with the community. I believe that is how you want me to share this idea.
1-15-20
Dear Lord God,
I was excited to wake up early to spend this time with you. I love being here with you God, I love being able to feel your presence in this quiet place- seeing the ways you are moving and working around me. Wow! Its all so incredible. Really!! Yesterday on the way to work, I heard the song Giants, by Natalie Grant. Tears swelled as I sang along- thinking about how confident I am in you and then how I doubt myself, to take down to get through these giants ahead of me. Giants like needing a building for the school, having enough money to start, will people really enroll, finding teachers.. all the things God! But God.. you have given me so many confirmations over the past couple weeks to keep going.. keep pressing on. I don’t know how all of this will work out. I can’t wait to share this. The story of how you are and have been orchestrating this. Lord God, may YOU receive the glory. May people be so drawn to you Lord. May this school be a ministry to this community, not just a place for education, but a place to fall in love with you- with Jesus. Lamentations 3:25. Thank you Lord for loving me, for being so gracious, so good, so faithful. I will follow you. May today and every day after be centered around you. Amen.
1-17-20
Dear Lord God,
You are so on the move. Wow. I can’t thank you enough for the ways you are working. Its Crazy! I’m not sure even how to respond besides- grateful- love. You are so in tune with my heart, with what I need. Lord please align my desires with yours. Lord give me clear vision and discernment when making these next few decisions. I’m going to keep pushing Lord, but it doesn’t even feel like pushing. It feels like you’ve gone ahead and gone all the work. I’m in awe. really. Lord this week in my lunch time I have been praying with you and that time has been so fruitful, growing closer to you, fully depending on you to get me through. I made one of the first big leaps of faith and told one of my supervisors about this idea. You can read more about this in the previous blog post, Giants.
Before going down there I just knelt down behind my desk and prayed for boldness and courage to do this. To finally speak it out to someone other than my family. Does this mean it’s really happening? Its so scary and amazing all at the same time. I poured my heart out and it ended with her praying over me and genuinely being so excited for me. Lord, YOU are continuing to orchestrate and align it all. I trust that you’ll continue to do that- let’s do this LORD! WOO!
1-19-20
Dear Lord God,
Thank you Lord for the vision and time to create the logo yesterday with Lindsey. Its so beautiful. I just love the simplicity of it. I can’t wait to see it printed in real life! Thinking through the name of the school- the purpose of what each word means... Lord may it be rooted and grounded in YOU.
1-23-20
Dear Lord God,
Well, one more foot in the water. Yesterday I officially resigned from my position at work. AGH! I can’t even believe this. I sat down with my boss and told her everything. She cried, I cried. It felt so good to finally shed light on this beautiful vision you’ve given me. Lord may I handle it with care- may I nurture and listen to YOU to see what you desire. Lord may this be YOUR SCHOOL. May this be a place children come to fall in love with you. Lord, I started to feel so much doubt creep in as I was getting ready to make this next big step. I keep thinking about the story in Joshua, having to put their feet in the water before it would split. Lord may I continue to trust, let me walk upon the water with you Lord. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this beautiful plan you have. Lord through all of this- I feel your love. Thank you for pursuing me relentlessly when I tried to push this idea away. Thank you for knowing and loving me so intimately. Thank you.. not only because your making this school happen, but because you are showing me over and over again that you hear me, you see me, you are so faithful to me Lord. God may you satisfy any need I have for approval for this school. May I not seek it from the world or from man, but rest in what you are doing, in your love and stop striving. I will not do this to be loved by you, but because of your love for me.
1-24-20
Dear Lord God,
You’ve got this.
So much has happened. This journey is moving and its so exciting, scary, awesome, all the things! Someone told me yesterday that I was so brave. I don’t feel brave, I feel like I’m just following you. You make me brave- you give me the confidence to step out and go for this. Lord God, thank you for choosing me, allowing our family to be a part of this beautiful vision. Lord thank you for this school and for the teachers that will come. Thank you for the families that will join us. Thank you for those who will help invest and financially support a new school starting out. The giants in my way don’t feel as big with you. Lord thank you for paving the way. Give me eyes and a heart from you! Lord when my heart may fail, when my flesh and emotions rise, bring me back to you. Keep me with you Lord.
2-2-20
Dear Lord God,
Good Morning! It’s an early Sunday morning. I’m excited to be here with you- to have this time to be with you. Lord God- Holy Spirit, guide this time. Show me what to share and do. A couple weeks ago I recorded a podcast with Stephanie and Hannah. It will be shared today and it is the FIRST TIME the idea for the school will be shared our publicly! AGH! The first time anyone will be able to hear about this school. I’m so excited and nervous. Lord, I pray for your covering in sharing this out. I pray for the doubt and fear of sharing my heart with other people. Lord, may the people who need to hear this, listen, but Lord will you protect it from the enemy. From anyone what would use it against. Oh God, may they listen and see and hear YOU. I pray it brings someone closer to you.
2-3-20
Dear Lord God,
So… I can feel the fear setting in. The doubt creeping in as this news of the school spreads. I’m so scared. Lord God, I don’t even have a building yet. I feel crazy and scared to be quitting a job for a school that doesn’t exist. God I know all of this.. all of these feelings aren’t from you. I know Lord God you called me here. God, I need you to confirm, show me and Chad that, YES.. my son and daughter, continue pressing through. Lord we trust you. I believe you wouldn’t have called me to this and then dropped me. Your timing is perfect- your ways are so good- Help me not to be consumed by all the worldly things. Lord God, remove the fear. Holy Spirit, guide me to the next step. This is so different from the world’s view. Quitting a job, insurance, retirement, wondering how our family will survive for something that isn’t here yet.
It feels impossible because with the world only... it would be.
But I trust your love for me. Lord I trust your promises and your word. You have a more joyful, abundant life ahead of me. I can just imagine it now.. singing and praising you in the mornings with students and teachers. Being able to tour families and speak with them about YOU! To have the freedom to pray with students and have Bibles out and open in the classrooms. How crazy amazing will this all be Lord God!!! Lord thank you for reminding me of this.. YOU’VE GOT THIS!! Thank you for allowing me to share on the podcast and share you and the faithfulness you have given.
Thank you Lord for letting me be a part of your story.
One day I’ll be gone, but your name.. you will live on.
Because of you, lives will be changed- there will be additions to Heaven-
and THAT it what this is all for.
2-4-20
Dear Lord God,
This is a lot. The pressure I feel of finding a location feels heavy. How can I ask for donations and parents to send their children when I don’t even have a building yet? All of the worries going through my mind are so worldly and of my flesh. I hate it God. I hate feeling this way. I was up at 1:45 this morning, on my knees telling you I feel so torn between having faith and being realistic. Agh! I hate that so much- so many things and people are telling me there is NO WAY. How do I overcome this Lord? I know this isn’t from you.. its the world’s expectations or norms pressing in. That I must have this and that done, I must check those boxes first. How do I press on.. into the unknown. It’s so scary and hard to reassure Chad .. and even myself that it will all be okay.. when I don’t really know.
“God’s plan is to fill us with the fullness of joy that is grounded solely in him rather than ever changing circumstances around us. Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say rejoice. We can have joy in trials when we trust in God and Live for Him above all else. Live with the perspective of God, rather than the world.”
Thank you for those words from the devotional today.. God I have to shift my mind.. God take this weight, lift this off of me. Let me posture my heart to be more thankful, even with the stress weighing down on me.
God I thank you for this.
For the place you have picked and planned for the school.
For the way you’ll provide for us.
For the people you’ll surround me with.
For the sweet students and teachers that will come.
2-7-20
Dear Lord God,
This week has had more ups and downs. From the doubt feeling too heavy and thoughts of, Can I really do this? I see now, “I” can’t do this. BUT the LORD GOD can. God forgive me, when my fear and worry take over. Forgive me when I allow it all to press in on me, when I wonder am I being naive or having a child like faith? Am I not being realistic as to the timeline of really starting a new school by this fall? Lord God, please don’t let my pride push me into having to start this fall. Let this be YOUR timing Lord. Help me God to stay with you, to listen, oh Lord, keep my grounded in YOU LORD.
Even as I sit here, my mind is spinning. Trying to figure it all out. Lord God, I need you. May the thoughts in my head be from you Lord. I cast my cares upon YOU, for you care for me and I know this. Lord please flood all of these fears with your peace and love. I can feel the enemy battling for my mind. Help me Holy Spirit to unclinch my hands. I am so tightly holding onto the school. Lord, I give it back to you. I surrender the plans, the location, the timing, the funding. Lord, may I not control or in my own strength try to do this, but through your love, through your spirit, show me the next steps. I love you Lord God. I give it back to you.
2-13-20
Dear Lord God,
Yesterday was a pretty incredible day. I had a huge presentation to do for all of the principals and central office for CMCSS. Afterwards, it was my time to share with all of them that I would be resigning and why. What a crazy amazing opportunity you have given me.. a platform to speak and share about you with all of the administrators in the district! Honestly, what I have worried about most is standing before them, experienced leaders to share this idea I have about starting a school. Who am I to think I could do something like this? If I really tell them I am leaving and doing this- what if it doesn’t really happen? But God, you REALLY REALLY gave me such confidence. I felt so calm. Oh God, thank you for using me. I could feel your warmth, your joy, your peace and I spoke to them. I started off by sharing about how you began to stir my heart, how my prayer changed from.. pick someone else.. to show me how. How you led me through this just has you did in Joshua and the Jordan River. I even told them about how I think about standing before you one day.. having to give an account to this idea you placed in my heart. I don’t want to stand before you and tell you I was too scared. I spoke about how the Sara, 4 years ago would have never taken a risk like this.. Lord as I spoke to them, I felt you just flowing out. I didn’t even have to think about what I was going to say.. it just flowed right out. Thank you sweet father in Heaven, I pray that is was pleasing (and maybe super exciting) to you too! And maybe Shea got to see it too.. that great cloud of witnesses. I felt so safe, so loved by you. Thank you God. Next I am going to get to share the same words with all of the Assistants Principals in the district.. Lord God what do you want them to hear? Lord I pray for the exact words that room needs to hear. I pray for you to use me as a vessel to share with them. EEKK! God let’s do this.. let’s keep sharing you! Let’s get this school going so we can do something like this everyday! To be able to combine academic and spiritually growth.. what a dream. I am so excited Lord. Thank you.
2-18-20
Dear Lord God,
Father God, some major doubt flooded over me. I had a long, 2 hour conversation with two people about all of this and I left feeling like they thought there was no way- that this is way too big of a task to do in a few months. Am I being over zealous, crazy to think I can start a PreK-5th grade school this fall? Its only 5-6 months away. All of the giants are feeling really big. God I just don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want to get behind you or ahead of you God. God, how do I do this? Lord, what’s the timing? Do you see this school opening this fall? Lord, I am crying out for your wisdom, I cry out for your help and guidance. You’ve been so good to me along this journey, showing me each step Lord God. I know this is the journey- this is the adventure, the fear of not knowing is so hard. But it is also so exciting too. Lord I know you know my heart, I know you already know the plans and the place. I just don’t want to mess this up. Its so special. So beautiful. Lord God, I think I am feeling like all of these decisions rest on my shoulders, but I am not alone am I?
2-21-20
Dear Lord God,
Yesterday was hard. I found myself with my head down on my desk. Feeling the pressure from the amount of plans and decision- even right now, I’m working on uniform choices and colors. Working with the church on getting blueprints, fire marshall inspections, and then one of the biggest giants- money. How am i going to pay for all of this Lord? Lord, I trust YOU, that YOU brought me to this point, that YOU will provide, but signing my resignation form yesterday, actually writing a date for my last day, whew.. The words from the song “ burn the ship” kept coming to mind. To let go of whats comfortable and what I know, so that I will move forward with what your calling me to do. Lord, I need your peace though- help me to get through the day. Help me to make choices you see planned out God. Lord I can’t do this without YOU.
2-22-20
Good Morning Abba Father,
Abba.. that’s so comforting. I feel like that’s what I need- your love and warmth, wrapped around me God. This has been a very emotionally hard week. I’m trying so hard to be strong, but its feeling like a lot. Which.. That tells me, I haven’t given it to you. I am trying to carry all of this aren’t I? I’m trying to make a huge decision and its scary. I am at a place where I need to say yes to a lease for the school, when I have no money and no students- that sounds crazy Lord. Doesn’t it? The other day I wrote in my journal… “I want something that blows my mind because ONLY GOD could have done it” I am feeling like this would definitely would qualify! Not to mention, the building is going to have to be remodeled, the Fire Marshal will have to approve it, all before August. And then there is enrolling, hiring, getting rooms ready, ordering curriculum. It’s A LOT of giants Lord God. A LOT! I’m going to need several of those stones David used.
What would I do if I had no fear of failure?
I would go for it wouldn’t I? If I remove that fear of failure. If I didn’t fear failure could also be said as - If I fully trusted you God. Fear is keeping me from stepping into the fullness of God.
I believe in you. I believe in your plan. I can’t do this on my own, together Lord.. we can do this right!?!
“Leave fear behind,
Move forward in faith,
Embrace the adventure.”
2-28-20
Dear Lord God,
Good Morning! This morning as I started waking up, the song “Almost Home” kept running through my mind.
“With all your strength, sister run wild and free, soon all your burdens will be gone.”
This week I’ve also heard the word “co-labor” from a few places now. How incredible to be able to do work with our God..OF THE UNIVERSE! To co-labor in this school. You’ve had this school planned all along. You knew- at this very time- and you knew I would want to do this with you. Lord God, thank you for allowing me to join you in this pursuit of starting a school. To share YOU with them, to spread the good news, the best news I could possibly share about Jesus.
2-29-20
Dear Lord,
Today we are actually recording this video for the school!! EEKK! I am so excited, I am praying for your clear direction in the making of this video. Lord guide us and Cameron as he records and edits this. Lord God I pray for a return of families after watching this- to be excited and ready to enroll. Lord if this is your timing, your will to launch the school this fall, will you make it so clear to me and Chad, to the church too. Lord God speak to us- give us peace and wisdom. Oh God, how I need your wisdom Lord.
3-12-20
Dear Lord God,
Thank you. God thank you for today- here we are, getting ready to launch the school. Getting ready to share this out with others. Lord God, thank you for whatever is about to happen, for using me, for letting me be a part of this! Lord God, how exciting is this!! Oh Lord, you have brought this from an idea planted in me- to fruition. You have paved the way, Lord may YOU continue leading me Lord. May the fear, doubt, worry, all be displaced and overwhelmed by YOU, your love, and your power. Lord God, I pray for your blessing on this school. Lord I pray for your hand to guide the details. I want ALL of YOU. Lord may the families that see this be sparked and motivated, called to YOU. May they crave YOU and this type of education for their children.
What the enemy meant for evil, you turned it for good. You are continuing to use Shea, to use her life to bring joy and goodness. Thank you Lord God. I pray that she gets to see all of this. To see the incredible impact she has made, on me.. on our family.. on this city. Lord God, thank you for making something beautiful from the grief. From you ..this has sprouted life. What a crazy amazing idea Lord.
3-16-20
Dear Lord God,
There is SO much I want to journal about. To share with you since I last wrote. We have shared the school publicly, had the women’s IF Conference, got goats, and had our FIRST STUDENT APPLICATION! Thank you Lord God for bringing this school from these pages- to sharing it with others. God, only YOU..only you could do this. Lord may they see you! Thank you Lord for all of this.. for the wisdom, for the creativity you’ve given in creating this. Its all from your inspiration, your words. Lord God may they get excited about the school- to place their children there, Lord God I pray that just the right number of families come. Lord may the